CPE Reflection #4 - Marital Impacts of CPE

CPE drives understanding in marriage

For starters, I feel like I should acknowledge that the headline doesn’t suit all persons. I have found myself in a unique situation where for the last 16 years I have been the proud supporter of a health care worker. My wife, Brittany, has served as a Child Life Specialist since before we were married. 

Working full time in the hospital setting has all of the support structures you would expect for someone whose work revolves around procedure preparation, diagnosis teaching, and hospital normalization with children. There were regular clinical supervision meetings both individually and as a group. Small groups of colleagues turned friends provided additional processing in less formal settings. 

My status as a lifelong Child Life supporter reached a new level when Brittany opened a solo private practice three years ago. Gone were the days of daily processing with colleagues, formal or informal, before coming home. We entered a time where I would support her as that colleague, and years of experience would come into play as a husband, a friend, a business partner, a confidant… lots of hats being worn. 

It’s said that you truly don’t understand someone’s experience until you “walk in their shoes” and that’s just what CPE has provided for me. It always sounded difficult to me to bounce from one thing to the next in the hospital world. Especially in some of Brittany’s outpatient settings. Respond to a trauma for a gunshot wound arriving in the ED. Suit up. Get into the trauma room to support the patient. Follow them to radiology or maybe directly to the PICU. Then get back downstairs to the ED for a 2 year old with a Barbie shoe stuck in their nose. The dichotomy of emergency care and Barbie shoes was always surprising. 

Last week, just as I arrived to Mercy, a request came for a Chaplain to join a family at the bedside as the patient was nearing the end of her life. I responded to the request along with our staff chaplain, Sharon Hunt. Sharon greeted the family, listened intently, volunteered a prayer, and then delivered a beautiful prayer that incorporated the words of the patient herself. It was heavy. The room. The feelings. The wailing from the daughter. It was heavy. 

We returned to the office afterwards to pause for a moment and reflect. We took 10-15 minutes before entering back into the work of the day. The rest of my day included a few patient visits, some deliveries from our clothing closet, and a visit to the Healing Garden. I left the hospital quickly, racing home for an afternoon of work calls trying to push deals forward to hit our sales targets for the month. Later in the afternoon, I picked up the kids from school, helped with homework, carted kids around to activities, and worked on dinner. Brittany got home and we tag teamed bedtime. 

That night, as I reflected on the events of the day and how diverse they were, I was struck with the realization that I had spent the day in the shoes that I have been supporting for years. My day, filled with death and life, sorrow and joy, was just like many I’d sat and listened to before. And in that moment, a wave of clear understanding washed over me leaving me soaked with empathy for how Brittany has poured into her patients and clients all these years.